Choking on the Words...

At the start of the week, I was dreading for Sunday to arrive. Then, with the blink of an eye, there I was at church preparing myself for the words that was so hesitant to come out.

Before I even made it into the meeting room with my two pastors, two aunties from the church approached me. One held onto my hand, the other had tears in her eyes. Both made their poignant plea:
"Vicky, You can't leave the church... Our kids need you to lead them..."
The more they spoke, the more I was breaking inside...
I couldn't explain to them why I have to leave because I know no matter what I say, it wouldn't matter because it had already affected their kids so immensely. So all I could do, was to some extent, lie.
"Yes, I am staying. I ain't going any where. Don't worry..."

In the room with my two dearly loved Pastors, I gasped for air. I had prepared myself the entire week for this and yet, I choked on the words that were so reluctant to come out.

Finally, I began to express my sincere gratitude. Despite all that has happened recently, I continued to thank them for all they had done for my family and I. The 15 years of constant love, prayers & support is something that one can not forget easily even if the present was damaged...

Then finally, I told them of my decision to leave the church come year end. My last visit as a member and leader of the church will be on Sunday December 31st, literally on the last day of 2006.

Despite the fact that my Pastor had tears in her eyes, they were however, very understanding. They knew my reasons. They understood why next year would be a new era for me; for God to reveal the next stages of His master plan over my life and why attending my new church ECC would help me draw closer to God's will & purpose for my life.
"I would be selfish if I continued to ask you to stay..."

Finally, it was time to announce it to the Worship Team who was already in the creche room waiting for me to attend the evaluation meeting.

This time, breaking the news to them was even harder. I seriously wanted to go home and avoid facing the music. But somehow, I gained the strength that I needed to join them sitting in the circle.

They all looked at me. I smiled back. They knew something was wrong. Melissa gave me a sad smile almost implying that I have the permission to now speak and make my announcement.

I had prayed the whole week that my announcement would not stumble their walk with God. I am so protective of them but this time I knew it was up to God to give them the courage and strength that they need to accept what I was about to tell them.

I began my speech by looking into every one of my Youth's eyes and praising them for what they are already doing at such a young age for God's kingdom. How proud God is with each and everyone of them...
Finally, I told them all of my decision to leave. Everyone was still ok until I said..."and this means, after I finish being the worship leader next Sun, I will officially step down from the worship team". Then one by one, tears started to fall...

I had to really contain myself not to cry for I knew I had to be strong for them to accept this with hope & perseverance.
I told them that this is now the time for them to step up. No longer baby steps at a time, but rather, they will now grow exponentially from hereon. After all, when one steps down, another must step up and continue doing greater things than its predecessor in glory of His name.

I know without a doubt as I am on stage for the very last time, I will choke on my own tears because I know Sunday will mark the end of an era for something that I have loved doing for over a decade of my life....

"When the music fades, all is stripped away and I simply come...
Longing just to bring, something that's of worth, that will bless Your heart..."