Flummoxed!

If you throw any questions about life, I'm usually pretty good at giving you advice or an answer that makes sense after analysing the situation (praise be to God for His wisdom).

I'm a thinker. Yes. Once I've made up my mind, I will strive for the goal that is ahead of me. I will make it happen in Jesus name.

But for the first time in my life,
I am so Confused. Indecisive. Simply Lost.

You see, last year, after being encouraged by Andy (my sales director at the time) with his quote 'If it's meant to be, it is up to me' about proactively managing our career, I actually went home to draw out a flow chart of my career plan. The exact timing, the exact role, the exact function, the exact destination. I even made a PLAN B, just in case PLAN A didn't quite exactly work out.

So I handed this over to Kir (boss) & Al (boss' boss) and they were impressed. They thanked me for helping them manage my career. That was back in December last year.

Fast forwarding time, eight months down the track, my managers sat down with me earlier this week and asked me if my 'career plan is still on track'.

They were startled when I quietly replied and said 'um, I'm actually quite lost'. Now it was time for their eyeballs to fall out. Both of them said nearly at the same time, 'My goodness, out of everyone here, I always thought you're the one that actually knows what you want to do!'. Which mind you, I did. But that was then, this is now..

It's funny how everyone I know seems to think I'm very ambitious.
The fact is, the old Vicky really wasn't... until now. The circumstances around me have made me ambitious. It is definitely not because I have a hunger to make my million bucks. What's happened now is that I will go where my heart wants me to go. Another words, where my passion lies. But the problem is, What is my passion now? Is it Marketing? or is it Market & Strategy Planning? or is it Singapore? or is it my friends in Singapore?

Originally, I was soooo set on going to Singapore by the end of next year. Now? I'm not so sure.
Despite the fact that everyone here is against it saying 'Vicky are you mad?', I was still determined to go. However once again, that was then, this is now..

I'm just not so sure anymore.

Do I really want to go to Singapore to do marketing? This means, I will literally have to quit P&G Australia and sign up as a local P&G Singapore employee. It also means I will start at the bottom again since it's a new business function. And who can forget the 'no-life' working environment over there. *Sigh*

But if I don't go to Singapore, the next move will mean packing my bags heading to Sydney. But, do I really want to live in Sydney where the roads have so many potholes, the cities are so old, the streets are so unsafe? And what's next after Sydney? Singapore? then might as well go straight to Singapore first. The more I think about it the more I am so overwhelmed by it all.
I really don't know.

Finally, I ended my meeting with my bosses with a plea, saying
"Can the two of you just roll the dice for me instead?"